Dealing with a person who overreacts to nearly everything can be difficult. You have no idea what you did to provoke such a negative response from your partner. When your emotions are elevated, it’s even more difficult to recognize that you may sometimes be the one overreacting.
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Every time you and your companion have a disagreement, do you tend to exaggerate the situation? If you accept, it can cause irreparable harm to your relationship. How do you recognize overreaction, and more importantly, how do you stop excess in a relationship?
Continue reading to learn why you may be overreacting and how to recognize the signals so you can stop overreacting and have a happy, healthy relationship.
5 Ways to Stop Overreacting in a Relationship
How do you know if you are overreacting to a, in a relationship? Pay heed to these five signs to be certain.
You are struggling to maintain emotional control.
If you’re questioning yourself, ‘Am I overreacting in a relationship?’, consider the following. Check if you’re experiencing excessive emotion. If you cannot control how you speak to or interact with your companion, you may be overreacting.
You are feeling agitated and tense
Whatever your companion says or does, you feel compelled to explode at them. Presently, nothing appears to be able to ease you down.
Almost everything you say is blown out of proportion.
You can sense yourself becoming enraged over trivial matters but cannot seem to stop doing so. You become angered by things you normally would not.
You believe that your companion is insensitive.
You begin to believe that your partner is invalidating and disregarding your emotions rather than listening to you. You may sense that your companion is working against you and begin to assume the worst.
You’re experiencing body sensations in your body.
You might experience an increase in your pulse rate and chest tightness. You may also experience flushing, headaches, and/or stomach discomfort.
How to quit being a relationship overreacting
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1. Determine your emotional causes
You may have emotional triggers that provoke a strong emotional response even when it is completely unjustified. A trigger can range from specific persons, memories, and locations to particular words, tones of voice, and even smells.
You may become agitated by your partner’s words, actions, or tone. For instance, you may dislike it when your spouse interrupts you and doesn’t let you complete your sentence. It may leave you feeling wounded and rejected.
This behavior may provoke your overreaction, causing you to scream at them in an attempt to be heard. Once you identify the source of your strong and intense reaction, you may begin to effectively manage it instead of reacting out.
2. Use ‘I-statements’ rather than ‘You-statements’
Studies have shown that while ‘you-statements’ can provoke wrath, ‘I-statements’ can decrease hostility and defensiveness. I-statements are a good location to start if you want to stop overreacting in relationships.
If your partner’s defensiveness causes you to become agitated, do not encourage it by using phrases such as “you always…” or “you never…” Stick to statements like, ‘I need…, or I’m feeling…’ while you express your feelings and thoughts in a calm manner.
3. Enhance your communication abilities
Effective communication is essential for resolving conflicts amicably. During a heated discussion, however, you and your companion may interpret what was said differently. Probably, your companion merely inquired whether you watered the plants today.
However, as you heard them accusing you of not doing enough around the house, you likely became defensive and began to complain that they never water the plants or assist you.
4. Take a brief break
When you are feeling down. Take a break from the conflict and inform your companion that you intend to resume the discussion once you’ve calmed down.
Leave the room and attempt to gain perspective. Ask yourself if your current concern will matter in a few days, months, or years. What if you’re simply hungry, exhausted, or having a terrible day? Do you wish to jeopardize your relationship with your overreaction?
Taking a break and removing yourself from the situation is an effective method for preventing overreaction and resolving relationship conflicts.
5. Make self-care a top priority.
Lack of sleep, hunger, and illness can impair our ability to regulate our responses to stimuli. If you sense yourself getting all worked up over minor issues, check in with yourself first and see what you’d need to fulfill your basic needs.
If you skipped a meal or didn’t get enough sleep the night before, you are more likely to react negatively to the slightest provocation from your companion. Therefore, you must get adequate rest and take time out of your schedule to unwind and refresh your mind.
6. avoid assuming things
No one can read their partner’s mind, which is why you must ask your partner for clarification instead of assuming your assumptions are the truth. Your partner probably did not imply what you believed they did, and you may have overreacted for no reason.
When you make an assumption and then overreact based on that assumption, your companion may feel attacked and also overreact. When they explain what they actually meant to say or do, you should grant them the benefit of the doubt.
7. Do not repress intense emotions.
Do you tend to repress your emotions and then explode at your companion when you can no longer contain them? According to a study from the University of Texas, suppressing our emotions can make us more aggressive.
When you avoid confronting relationship issues head-on, they continue to accumulate and your negative emotions grow stronger. It is therefore advisable to discuss your concerns with your companion, regardless of how uncomfortable it may feel.
8. Display empathy
When attempting to control overreaction in a relationship, be compassionate toward yourself and your companion. Stop expecting your partner to solve all of your problems and accept your role in the relationship.
Set realistic expectations for your companion, and don’t project your problems onto them to avoid working on yourself. Perfectionism can cause you to overreact to your companion when they fall short of your standards.
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9. Take in long breaths.
Before reacting in a way you will later regret, take a moment to calm yourself and take a few deep breaths if you find yourself becoming agitated over something. When you become enraged and begin shallow or chest-breathing, your body triggers the fight-or-flight response.
Your body perceives that you are in danger and must either fight or flee. It is natural for you to react with heightened emotion in such a circumstance. To stop overreacting in that situation, practice deep breathing to soothe your nerves.
10. Seek professional assistance
If your overreaction has begun to negatively impact your relationship, it is time to seek professional assistance. If you have preexisting mental health issues, such as anxiety disorder, a therapist can assist you in developing more effective coping strategies as opposed to overreacting.
They can help you comprehend the underlying causes of your intense emotional response so that you can exert greater control over it. With professional assistance, you may be able to break the bad relationship patterns that have prevented you from achieving your ideal relationship.
11. Seek First to Be Comprehended, Then to Be Comprehended
The first step to stop overreacting is to assume that you do not completely understand the problem. Thus, you will actively listen to and endeavor to comprehend what your teen is saying.
12. Empower and Motivate, But Do Not Solve
Studies indicate that children are more likely to become successful adults if they are given opportunities to be independent and manage situations with minimal assistance. Here are some methods you can assist your adolescent in feeling capable and able to solve her own problems.
Read more: 24 Ways to Stop Your Divorce Permanently!
13. Be Constructive
Despite the fact that you should empower your teen, it is essential to remain engaged in her life.
14. Learn your personal triggers.
We can begin by identifying our own triggers. This may seem apparent, but when we feel overly reactive or frustrated with our partner, we are frequently unsure of why we are so agitated. In addition, we neglect to ask ourselves, “Why am I so reactive to my partner’s behavior?” Why does this particular issue concern me so much?” It is also helpful to identify the specific actions, tone, and words that provoke us so that we can begin to understand the origins of our reactions.
15. Pay close heed to your inner critic.
As we become more familiar with our triggers, we should also be cognizant of the critical inner voice or negative internal commentary that fills our minds when we become agitated. When I asked the man in the preceding example what he was telling himself when his wife gave him instructions, he described having thoughts such as, “She thinks you’re an idiot!” This is so embarrassing. You should simply descend to the ground. Who does she believe herself to be? You must appear so pitiful.
16. Connect the present to the past.
Any person will become irritated if their companion is controlling, complains, nags, or is cold. However, when our emotional reaction to our partner’s behavior feels particularly intense or when our inner voice of criticism becomes particularly strident, it is often a sign that something from our past is being tapped into. As we become familiar with the content of our critical inner voice and the specific words, actions, and expressions that set us off, we can begin to make historical connections.
17. Remain with the emotion.
Relationships are an emotional breeding ground. When we feel unsettled, a simple instrument we can use is to simply pause. Take several long breaths before responding. When time permits, we should attempt to sort our thoughts in order to investigate the sensations, images, emotions, and thoughts that originated from the interaction. Using Siegel’s other acronym, COAL, we can be Curious, Open, Accepting, and Loving toward whatever arises. By approaching our reactions with curiosity, kindness, and mindfulness, and observing them without allowing them to control us, we arm ourselves with a tool that enables us to not be slaves to our immediate impulses and reactions.
18. Take charge of your portion of the dynamic.
In relationships, it is common to see our partners’ faults and want them to improve. However, the only individual we possess complete influence over is ourselves. We have complete control over our portion of the dynamic. When our partner does something that irritates us, we should ask ourselves, “What did I do right before they reacted?” Sometimes there will be no response. However, most of the time, there may be a pattern or behavior we engaged in that was triggering to the other person. This exercise of self-reflection allows us to know ourselves better and challenge any behaviors that are hurting us or our partner and may be causing unnecessary distance in the relationship.
19. Utilize cooperative communication.
When we begin to comprehend our heightened reactions, we can pursue a more collaborative and open approach to communication with our partner. Typically, when a couple fights, both parties are triggered. Both have critical inner voices in their minds and old emotions being stirred. In heated situations, the greatest action we can take is to actively listen to our partner. We should attempt to comprehend what they were thinking and how they perceived the situation by listening to what they are experiencing.
20. Identify “all or nothing” thinking styles.
This type of instinctive thought pattern, also known as “black and white” thinking, is a major contributor to overreaction. Automatic thoughts are not based on logical reasoning, but on fearful, excessively emotional responses to distressing situations.
21. Gain a sense of perspective.
Consider: “How essential is this? Will I recall it the following day? Or in a year’s time? How about in twenty years?” If the answer is no, then whatever you are reacting to in the present is of little consequence. Permit yourself to take a step back and recognize that the situation may not be all that significant.
The conclusion
Overreacting in a relationship can have extremely negative consequences, as it harms both parties involved. Knowing the signs of overreaction can be useful in preventing it from occurring in your relationships.
In the long run, you and the relationship benefit from your willingness to recognize when you’re overreacting and to seek professional assistance so that you can navigate the situation in a healthier manner.
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