A broken heart requires self-compassion to mend. Healing is possible, but it cannot be hurried and may take some time.
Whether you or your ex-partner left the relationship, breakups are typically difficult. Remembering all of the wonderful times you spent together can make it difficult to move on from the split.
But whatever you’re experiencing right now, whether it’s isolation, denigration, alienation, rejection, disappointment, or even relief, is normal.
We’ll go over the reasons why heartbreak occurs in the first place so you can better navigate the healing process. We’ll go over some advice on how to get beyond that as well. Our friend and relationship expert Amy North is teaching a magical set of words that will force any man to feel a level of desire for you beyond Love. The moment you said this magical set of words to a man, he will feel an emotional connection to you so powerful and his heart will be bound to you and only you. Click on the link to check it out for yourself.
Why does it hurt so much when a relationship ends?
According to Florida-based psychologist Dana Bottari, LCSW, our thoughts are often upbeat and joyful at the beginning of a relationship. According to her, “We might have felt good about ourselves – ideas about the time our ex told us how lovely or handsome we were or how much they loved us.”
Your feelings could be conflicted, though, when the relationship ends. According to Bottari, “We have the encouraging words that were spoken by our ex, along with possibly our own critical ideas that we are not good enough or notions that things never work out for us.”
According to her, feelings influence actions while thoughts influence both. When you’re depressed, you might do things you wouldn’t normally do. You might forego taking a shower or put off seeing your friends and family, for instance. According to Bottari, we may feel more alone than ever right now.
According to New York City-based psychotherapist Gina Moffa, LCSW, the specifics and circumstances of a breakup affect how you feel.
The Duration of a Broken Heart
There is no avoiding the fact that this will require some time and effort.
You shouldn’t start thinking about solutions right away after breaking up. In fact, attempting to do so before you’ve given yourself a chance to completely process your emotions may make it more time-consuming and challenging.
As time goes on, don’t compare yourself to fictional characters in literature and movies who recover with happy endings in a couple of hours. Dealing with heartbreak differs depending on the individual and the relationship; it also differs from time to time. Permit yourself to take the time you require.
Try to set a time limit for how long you let yourself think about what happened each day. Setting aside 30 minutes a day, for instance, to reflect on what you’re going through can assist you avoid having such thoughts outside of that time.
How to Mend a Broken Self: 11 Steps
According to author and relationship guru Susan Piver, it’s beneficial to experience the intense dejection and fits of unending weeping that follow being dumped. In her book, “The Wisdom of a Broken Heart,” she makes the case that rather than avoiding these emotions, we should embrace them. She also shares her personal two-year journey toward heartbreak recovery.
1. Accept complicated feelings of heartbreak.
You might be tempted to push through heartbreak by using ice cream or rebound sex to dull the ache. Alternately, you could renounce all future relationships. However, you won’t benefit in the long run if you harden your heart. A magnificent life is not one that is placidly cheerful, according to Piver, who adds that being sad requires a lot of guts. Greater awareness comes along with mourning.
2. Handle unfavorable thoughts in the right way.
After a breakup, you could experience negative thoughts that make you wonder what you or the other person did wrong to deserve it, warns Gadhia-Smith. Find strategies to break the cycle and alter your thought patterns if you frequently have negative thoughts that keep coming to mind when you don’t want them to.
According to Piver, meditation is an excellent approach to calm the mind and help with the propensity to criticize oneself. Another strategy for dealing with persistently bad ideas is to get up and do something else. Take a stroll or call a person who is struggling, she advises, and try to think about them rather than yourself.
According to Piver, identifying your feelings of hopelessness, despair, and dread without jumping to any conclusions will help your mind absorb your loss more quickly and go back to a more balanced condition.
3. Differentiate between sadness and grief.
The boundary between the two is frequently blurry, and mild heartbreak can occasionally turn into major depression. But according to Piver, everything matters when one is sad whereas nothing seems to matter when one is depressed.
4. Look for hobbies and creative outlets.
Try a different tempo. You can deal with gloom by watching a movie, listening to a podcast, or working out. Move a muscle, alter an idea, advises Gadhia-Smith. Try the following tactics:
Tell the tale of your relationship in writing. In three separate writing sessions, Piver advises writing it from the third person perspective. Describe how these two met and fell in love first. Then describe the romance and how it descended into disaster.
Read more: Top 19 Signs He is Not A Nice Guy
5. Take in some music.
According to science, music offers therapeutic benefits. (No, not that CD with the depressing, lovelorn tunes.) Play some of your favorite upbeat music to boost your mood, release endorphins, and reduce stress.
6. Accept your rage.
Anger can occasionally be unavoidable. According to Gadhia-Smith, you are more likely to be angry than the other person if you did not select the split. “Anger can penetrate deeply into our spirits when we feel powerless over others, helpless, and out of control. To prevent internalizing your anger and letting it ruin you or your next relationship, take proactive steps to process it with a therapist and let it out.”
7. Stay in contact—or not.
You’re under no obligation to overlook your ex’s earlier wrongdoings or maintain contact. In fact, Piver advises deleting ex-partners from Facebook or Instagram to avoid worrying over their every action.
Gadhia-Smith concurs that keeping tabs on an ex’s social media activity can result in unhealthy rumination. She asserts that “keeping in touch with your ex is a very personal decision.” “Some people require a complete break in order to recover and afterwards restore cordial relations. Others require a permanent sabbatical. In addition, some are able to maintain contact with one another while others split.”
8. Switch your attention to other relationships.
re-engage in interpersonal interactions. Gadhia-Smith counsels, “Turn to individuals in your life for love and support.” “That’s what family and friends are for,” she said. She advises looking elsewhere if someone isn’t really sympathetic: “Go where it is warm.”
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9. Take your self-care seriously.
Regulating your sleep, working out, eating healthily, and taking care of your mental health, including going to counseling, are all parts of “radical self-care” to help you get through a breakup, according to Gadhia-Smith.
10. Ask a therapist for assistance when necessary.
If you’re having trouble moving past any stage of relationship grief, think about seeking counseling. According to Gadhia-Smith, therapy is especially beneficial for sorting out and processing difficult and complex emotions. “Find someone with whom you feel at ease, and give yourself the chance to recover as much as you can from the agony of the split.”
She claims that counseling helps patients heal more rapidly and without carrying emotional burdens into the future.
11. Examine the past without resentment.
According to Piver, the most effective step you can take in your personal rehabilitation is to feel some kindness toward your former. Although it may sound paradoxical, she claims that opening your heart to someone you don’t intend to love again can help promote inner stability and tranquility. The emphasis is on letting go of anger; you don’t need to forgive or forget your ex’s previous wrongdoings. She advises taking a few minutes to wish yourself well, saying things like, “May you be happy, healthy, serene, and accepting of myself,” before wishing the same for your ex.
Do value the pleasant memories.
Even though your relationship ended negatively, it probably wasn’t all horrible. It’s acceptable to reflect on the positive aspects of it, and you might realize that you miss particular aspects of your ex and the love you once shared.
In addition, you can be overcome by the void left behind when a relationship ends or carry animosity toward whatever transpired that caused it to end.
Part of the healing process is navigating these emotional ebbs and flows. Allow yourself to feel appreciative when a pleasant memory surfaces, and then move on.
Make careful to look after yourself. Pay attention to how your body feels and how it affects your health. Spend some time outside. Making self-care a priority entails learning how to love and adore your beautiful self because when you love yourself, you will draw in other people who feel the same way. (Read more about how to move on from a split in a healthy way here.)
We reside in a stunning world. Play with it, take care of it, and safeguard it. Go to Machu Picchu, complete that half-marathon, or adopt a child if you so desire. Life is brief. Only the dreams you actively seek will come true.
Your life has a pattern—a lovely, graceful unfolding of opportunities and potential. Our purpose in relationships is to love and be loved. Some relationships are not meant to continue forever. Be grateful for the opportunity. You develop into the person you were supposed to be via every event.
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There is no getting past the fact that grieving for an emotional loss can be difficult and unpleasant. Knowing what’s going on in your heart and head can help, but not all adages and clichés can speed up the process. Remember that this challenging moment will pass, and you’ll move on with fresh self-knowledge and experience that can enrich and strengthen your future relationships.