Occasionally wondering whether you should stay together or break up is just part of being in a relationship for most people.

Every couple, regardless of how they might look on the outside, goes through rough patches. And even if you deeply love your partner, it’s not unusual to occasionally wonder if the relationship is a good fit.

Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend

Understanding the difference between the normal ups and downs of a healthy partnership and signs that a relationship has run its course isn’t always easy. Still, there are some clear signs to watch for.

Our friend and relationship expert Amy North is teaching a magical set of words that will force any man to feel a level of desire for you beyond Love. The moment you said this magical set of words to a man, he will feel an emotional connection to you so powerful and his heart will be bound to you and only you. Click on the link to check it out for yourself.

When Relationships End

In the beginning, it’s exciting. You can’t wait to see your BF or GF — and it feels amazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else

Nothing stays new forever, though. Things change as couples get to know each other better. Some people settle into a comfortable, close relationship. Other couples drift apart.

There are lots of different reasons why people break up. Growing apart is one. You might find that your interests, ideas, values, and feelings aren’t as well matched as you thought they were. Changing your mind or your feelings about the other person is another. Perhaps you just don’t enjoy being together. Maybe you argue or don’t want the same thing. You might have developed feelings for someone else. Or maybe you’ve discovered you’re just not interested in having a serious relationship right now.

Most people go through a break-up (or several break-ups) in their lives. If you’ve ever been through it, you know it can be painful — even if it seems like it’s for the best.

Why Is Breaking Up So Hard to Do?

If you’re thinking of breaking up with someone, you may have mixed feelings about it. After all, you got together for a reason. So it’s normal to wonder: “Will things get better?” “Should I give it another chance?” “Will I regret this decision?” Breaking up isn’t an easy decision. You may need to take time to think about it.

Even if you feel sure of your decision, breaking up means having an awkward or difficult conversation. The person you’re breaking up with might feel hurt, disappointed, sad, rejected, or heartbroken. When you’re the one ending the relationship, you probably want to do it in a way that is respectful and sensitive. You don’t want the other person to be hurt — and you don’t want to be upset either.

Avoid It? Or Get it Over With?

Some people avoid the unpleasant task of starting a difficult conversation. Others have a “just-get-it-over-with” attitude. But neither of these approaches is the best one. Avoiding just prolongs the situation (and may end up hurting the other person more). And if you rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through, you may say things you regret.

Something in the middle works best: Think things through so you’re clear with yourself on why you want to break up. Then act.

Read more: How Do Cheaters Feel About Themselves and His Emotional Signs of Guilt

Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend? Signs that it’s time to part ways

If you recognize some of the following signs in your relationship, it’s time to take a hard look at whether things are worth repairing.

You keep breaking up and getting back together

Remember how back in middle school everyone you knew was dumping each other and then making up? And you’d wonder why they even stayed together at all?

This kind of yo-yo behavior seemed like all fun and games back then, but it’s not as alluring when you’re an adult.

It’s OK to drift apart when you’re going through a significant challenge. But if you’re constantly separating and coming back together, it’s possible neither of you are acknowledging the underlying reasons for why you keep ending things.

You’re doing all the sacrificing

Every relationship requires sacrifice. This can be a healthy way to show each other your love and support.

Sometimes, this is just a matter of letting your partner choose which restaurant you’ll eat at or what show to watch on Netflix. But other times, these can be bigger decisions, such as moving across the country for a new job opportunity.

If you find yourself constantly giving everything for your partner without the gesture being reciprocated, it can create a power imbalance that breeds long-term unhappiness and resentment.

You can’t trust them

Always questioning whether your partner is telling the truth or feeling the need to go behind their back and search through their phone is an emotionally draining experience.

If your significant other has a history of lying or cheating, this causes a buildup of resentment that can quickly poison your relationship over time.

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You’ve grown apart

Have you felt a rift between you that can’t be explained? Has it become increasingly difficult to communicate or share your likes and interests?

Many couples will often hold on to memories of when they first met and overlook the ways in which both people have changed. Feeling disconnected more often than not may mean you no longer want to hold on to the past.

Your major values aren’t aligned

Even if you connect with and care deeply about the other person, you might not be on the same page when it comes to big-picture things.

If your partner wants to settle down and start a family but you’d rather spend your days traveling, it’s a significant sign things aren’t meant to last.

You’ve stopped caring or putting in the effort

Have you stopped checking in with your partner to see how their day is going? Did you used to make an effort to reconnect but can no longer find the motivation?

While we all have our down days as a partner, if you consistently can’t seem to summon back the interest you once had, it’s a sign things have cooled off.

You’re experiencing physical or emotional abuse

Any form of abuse is a clear red flag that the relationship has become toxic. It’s never OK for your partner to attack, frighten, control, or isolate you.

While it’s easier to recognize the physical signs of abuse, it can be harder to identify the mental and emotional ones. Remember, you deserve to be treated with care and respect.

You don’t like yourself

Not liking yourself when you’re around your partner can wear you down over time. A healthy relationship should bring out the best in you.

If you feel like your partner brings out the worst in you, it’s probably a sign that things have become unhealthy.

You fight nonstop

While disagreements are an inevitable part of being a couple, you shouldn’t feel like you’re always waiting for the next explosion. Unresolved conflicts that turn disrespectful and demeaning over time can severely affect your emotional well-being.

Ask yourself whether you’re both finding a new reason to argue every day. If the answer is yes, it may be time for you to part ways.

You’re not getting your needs met

Part of being in a healthy duo involves actively working on good communication. When the lines of communication break down, you may start to feel a sense of longing, unease, and even bitterness.

Something’s off if you’re constantly craving affection that isn’t provided, or if you find yourself daydreaming of a more fulfilling relationship.

You think about breaking up all the time

Wondering whether to stay together every once in a while is normal. It’s when you can’t stop thinking about being apart that you should worry.

Being with someone shouldn’t be a continuous struggle of hoping for the other person to change. If you can’t imagine growing older with them as they are right now, it’s probably time to throw in the towel.

Read more: 88 Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend!

Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend

Last-ditch efforts to try

Aside from those related to abuse, the signs discussed above don’t always mean you need to end things right away, especially if there’s still love in the relationship. Think of them more as a sign that your relationship could use some extra attention.

Before ending things, consider trying some of these approaches to see if things are salvageable.

Have an honest conversation

Ignoring problems will only make things worse. Don’t try to pretend everything is fine. Instead, lay everything out on the table and have an honest talk with your partner about your concerns.

Putting it all out there might sound intimidating, but chances are, your partner likely shares many of your concerns.

Try to speak without getting defensive. Be open to listening to what they have to say. This will allow you to evaluate and talk through the areas you both need to improve.

Get your man back and make him fall in love

Rekindle your connection

Remember what made you fall in love in the first place. Try to make each other a priority. Go on a couple’s retreat, or start weekly date nights where you can both unwind and reconnect.

Making each other feel important can be an incredible way to bond and communicate your hopes for the future.

Seek professional help

In some cases, repairing an unhealthy relationship requires a bit out outside help, especially if there’s a lot of bitterness and resentment involved.

Finding a therapist who specializes in relationship recovery can help you both work through your emotions and give you the tools to understand and communicate with each other better.

Forgive one another

Before you make a final decision about saying goodbye, consider whether it’s possible for you to forgive your partner and vice versa. Letting go of old grudges is an important aspect for moving forward and developing a healthy relationship.

By committing to forgiving each other, you can strengthen what you have together and make room for a deeper connection.

Still want to end things?

If you feel like you’ve exhausted every effort and are hitting a wall, here are some practical steps you can take once you’ve decided to break up.

Plan ahead

Consider all of the logistics. Things can be tricky if you’ve been sharing a living space with the other person or have a joint bank account. You may need to also look at how to make up for lost income if your partner has been supporting you financially.

Make sure you’ve set up another place to stay. Decide whether you would move your things before or after your talk. Don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones for help exploring your options and rearranging your living situation.

Choose the right place to break up

The most respectful way to end a relationship is in person, unless that feels unsafe. Choose a private location to avoid an embarrassing scene, but try to avoid having your talk at home so you can leave soon after.

The conversation may last a long time or become distressing. Keep this in mind when deciding on the right location.

Be honest and clear about your feelings

Having this talk can come as a shock to the other person, so it’s important to refrain from becoming overly emotional and remain clear about your intention.

Be honest with the other person without being vague or going into long explanations for why you no longer want to stay together.

Own the breakup

Listen to what they have to say and answer any questions they may have. Acknowledge the real issues, but also let them know about the things that attracted you to them in the first place. You can mention their good qualities without going into depth. Overall, try to remain firm and consistent.

Avoid saying anything hurtful

Letting the other person know the larger issues for the breakup isn’t the same as name-calling or belittling. Try to be respectful and avoid blaming them for the breakup. If they ask why you’re ending things, be honest, but refrain from insulting them by going into small details.

Prepare for their reaction

There’s no way to know how the other person will react, but preparing beforehand can help you manage what to expect. More than anything, don’t allow yourself to be bullied or manipulated.

And yes, tears will probably fall, maybe even on both sides. But that isn’t a good enough reason to stay.

Create distance

When you’re the one breaking things off, it’s tempting to lessen the blow to your partner by overpromising. You might want to reassure them that you still want to be friends or that you still want to see them occasionally.

But remember that both of you will need space and distance to heal. In the case that you eventually decide you want to keep your friendship, make sure to set appropriate boundaries.

You don’t feel like a priority.

Break up if…

You continuously feel neglected, insignificant, and/or not cared for in the relationship. Look, there’s a maje difference between having a partner who is busy with commitments and a partner who doesn’t make time for you. “If your partner is consistently inattentive and neglectful of your needs and wants, despite your best efforts in communicating your needs to them, then it’s fair to say your partner is not valuing you and the relationship,” confirms registered psychotherapist Parisa Ghanbari. “Partners who are absorbed or lack adequate relationship skills are incapable of ever meeting ur emotional needs.” Time to say buh-bye.

Stay together if…

Your partner is making an effort to pay more attention to your needs and wants, says Ghanbari. Some signs to look for: they’re seeking couple’s therapy or therapy themselves, they are reading self-growth books or relationship material to better themselves, and/or actionably fulfilling your needs/wants/desires expressed, suggests Ghanbari.

Thinking about marriage and/or the future freaks you out.

Break up if…

You cannot see your partner in your future at all. Look, totally understand if you’re someone who prefers to stay in the moment rather than look ahead into the next few years. But if you can’t picture the person you’re with beside you on your next greatest adventure, that’s not a good sign. “Holding this person without any intent for future plans limits not only them from finding their ‘happily ever after’ but also you,” says licensed psychotherapist Markesha Miller. She recommends you ask yourself, “Where do I see myself in one year?” Did you see your partner with you?

Stay together if…

Everything about your future is unclear. You don’t have to have everything figured out, and if you’re someone who has not given a lot of thought into where you see yourself in the next five years, that’s totally okay—it just may be what’s hindering your relationship. “Use this time to gain an understanding of self and direction,” suggests Miller. “After you gain some direction, you may be able to see the path ahead and whether or not you want to be accompanied by your partner.”

You think about having sex with other people.

Break up if…

Your sex fantasies don’t end with sex. You can’t train your brain to literally find only your partner attractive, and that’s normal and fine. Having ~thoughts~ about other people, even in the happiest of relationships, is something everyone experiences. But if you catch yourself imagining a happy life with the person whose bones you’re mentally jumping or you feel like you’d rather have sex with anyone but your partner, you may already be halfway out of this relationship.

Stay together if…

You’re actually just due for an open convo about your sex life. Sometimes, a (healthy, normal) fantasy about getting it on with someone else is actually just your brain’s way of telling you it’s time to mix it up. Especially in a long-term, super-cozy relationship, falling into a small sex rut can happen without either of you really noticing. Borrow a tip from Babeland’s Lisa Finn and print out (or pull up on your phone) a yes/no/maybe list of sex acts if you need a guide to this slightly-awk-but-very-steamy convo.

You feel like they’re being way too clingy.

Break up if…

They’re keeping you from seeing your friends or hanging out without them. It could be love bombing—a manipulative tactic commonly used by narcissists—or just straight-up excessive clinginess, but either way, it’s never cool for a partner to control your schedule, even if they seem to be doing so “out of love.” You should be totally free to live your own life, and anyone who tries to interfere is probably not someone you can safely date.

Stay together if…

You’re actually just having a super-stressful week. If every single phone notification—including those from your partner—is sending a tingle of anxiety down your spine, it’s probably not your relationship that needs a break, it’s your schedule. Tell your partner you are having a wild week and need to keep communication on an as-needed basis. They should be understanding and maybe they’ll even offer to take some chores off your hands.

You feel like you’re on totally different pages.

Break up if…

One person has consistently felt more “in it” than the other. It’s normal for feelings in a relationship to seesaw a little bit. But if it feels like your partner is super into you and you’re only kinda meh about them or vice versa, then this thing may have been doomed from the start. Unfortunately, you can’t force someone who totally doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship to suddenly want one. It’s not the right person if the timing is off, and that’s one of the hardest relationship lessons anyone has to learn.

Stay together if…

You haven’t had a frank conversation about what you’re looking for yet. Feeling like you’re ON BOARD for a serious ’ship and your partner totally isn’t? Tell them that! It’s not fair to project your private expectations onto someone else—they should be just as clued in to what’s going on with your situation as you are. Have that convo, and then see how you feel after.

Relationships Help Us Learn

Whether they last a long time or a short time, relationships can have special meaning and value. Each relationship can teach us something about ourselves, another person, and what we want and need in a future partner. It’s a chance for us to learn to care about another person and to experience being cared about.

A break-up is an opportunity to learn, too. It’s not easy. But it’s a chance to do your best to respect another person’s feelings. Ending a relationship — as hard as it is — builds our skills when it comes to being honest and kind during difficult conversations.

The bottom line

Recognizing when a relationship has come to its end can be an emotional roller coaster with many ups and downs. But it’s important to remember that this stage will eventually pass and that you’ve made the right decision for you.

Above all, be kind to yourself throughout the process. By focusing on what makes you happy and brings you joy, you’ll be able to take the first step toward healing and recovery. Do you want your man to become spellbound by the very sight of You! For more in-depth training and solution to get your man be devoted and committed to you and only you, we recommend Amy North’s Devotion system, check it out by clicking on the link.

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By Kate

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