Breaking up doesn’t just mean the end of a relationship. It can make you feel bad about yourself and leave you feeling alone and unwanted. It can be very bad for your mental health, especially if you still care about your ex. But there are ways to move on and be stronger and healthier because of it.
When you’re at your worst and most vulnerable, it can seem easy and even condescending to tell you to think about your mental health. It can feel like everything has stopped. That all of your hopes and dreams have disappeared.
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You might just want to be left alone so you can figure out what went wrong. Maybe you should think about everything you did and ask yourself if there was anything else you could have done to be with the person you still love.
Why it hurts so much to lose a relationship
Our lives have meaning because of the people in them. And not just the ones you have with other people, but also the ones you have with your job, your identity, and your things. But because people depend so much on their social lives to stay alive and do well, the relationships we have with each other are extra important.
So, when you lose a relationship, especially one that was very important to you and a big part of your daily life, you also lose the meaning that went with it. And losing meaning means losing a part of who you are. So, all of these things—your relationships, your sense of meaning and purpose, and your idea of who you are—are closely linked.
When we lose someone we care about, we all feel empty, which is really a lack of meaning and identity. We literally have a hole in the middle of us. Everything seems empty and pointless, and we might even start to wonder if there’s any point to living at all.
If you think like this for too long, you start to cling to the past and try desperately to “fix” everything to get your old life back.
It’s normal to love an ex.
Read more: 37 Words of Encouragement and Strength for A Man You Love!
Even though it would be great if you could forget about an ex once the relationship is over, you can’t. You have to be patient with yourself because the love you once had for your ex doesn’t just go away overnight.
Studies show that when relationships end, people may have to deal with depression, PTSD, anxiety, and other mental health problems. So, it makes sense that you might have a hard time getting better.
19 Ways to Get Over Your Ex Even If You Still Love Them
Even if you still love your ex, here are 19 ways to help you move on.
1. Try your hardest to win over the person you love.
A friend once told me that if you love the person, you should fight for them as hard as you can, until you get tired of fighting. I thought it was stupid because I was proud. But I saw that she was right. If you love the person, you shouldn’t give up on them right away. Even if it seems silly, you should fight for the person you love. You might not be able to get him/her back, but at least you’ll know you did everything you could to save your relationship. This will keep you from having regrets later on.
2. Know that he or she is gone.
If trying to get your ex back doesn’t work, you have to move on to the next step, which is acceptance. Since there is nothing you can do to fix your relationship, you have to accept that it is over. You wouldn’t be any better off if you lied about this. So, you need to train your mind to believe that s/he won’t come back.
3. Believe that if it’s meant to be, he or she will come back.
This is not the same as holding on. You give yourself more chances. Believe that you will get back together someday if the two of you are meant to be together. This will make it easier for you to accept that s/he is gone. Leave everything up to fate, whether you like it or not, because you’ve already done your part and nothing has happened.
4. Give up memories and things that make you think of him or her.
I know it’s hard, but if you really want to forget the person, you have to be brave enough to let go of everything that ties you together, even the memories. Don’t talk about the good times you had together because it will hurt a lot. Give back the things he or she gave you, or throw them away or burn them if they don’t matter to you much.
5. Turn your attention to other things that are important to you.
Love and romance are not the only things in life. So, even if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you can still live. Change your focus to other things, like developing your career or yourself. Look at how many people with careers put their love lives on hold so they can focus on getting ahead. This kind of view might work for you right now.
6. For now, turn off your social media accounts.
One temptation for people who just broke up with someone is to follow their ex. You miss your ex, so you can’t help but want to look at his or her social media accounts. You want to know how he or she is doing and if there are any signs that he or she is also missing you. Then how can you move on? To avoid this, take a break from the Internet for a few months or until you can resist the urges.
7. Don’t talk to his or her family or friends.
You might keep in touch with your ex’s family and friends in the hopes that staying in touch will help you stay close to him or her. It’s the same as asking them to help you put yourself back together. But if your ex gets mad when they find out, that means you should stop. Plus, you only make it harder for you to forget him or her.
8. Talk to someone you can trust about how you feel.
It’s helpful to have someone who will listen to you whine and cry, even if you keep talking about the same thing. You need less help at this point. You need someone to listen to you so you can talk about how you feel without being judged. Find a trusted family member or close friend who knows what you’re going through.
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9. Don’t hurry to move on.
I know you want to forget about the pain as soon as possible, but that won’t work. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The faster you try to go, the harder it gets. You can’t hurry up the healing of a wound, right? When you think it’s healed because the blood has stopped coming out and you peel off the skin, blood comes out again.
10. Avoid being alone.
Depression is a common result of a broken heart, and you probably already know how bad it can be. Always be around other people to keep from getting depressed or to get over it if you already are. Find a friend to stay with you for a while if you’re living alone, or if you can, go home to your family. They will definitely get it.
11. Keep your body moving.
I keep saying this in my other blogs: you should do things that get you moving. Do regular exercise or find a sport you can enjoy. Aside from making you happy, which takes your mind off of your pain for a while, it will also help your body release endorphin, a hormone that helps relieve pain.
12. Pay attention to the people you care about.
You love more than just your ex. Family and friends are still there for you. Just give these people your time and care. They are the ones who are there for you when things are hard, so they deserve special treatment. Spend time with your friends and family.
13. Make sure you love yourself.
You should love yourself as much as you love your family and friends. Instead of thinking that you’re not worth loving because your ex broke up with you, be the first person to tell yourself that you are. To stay healthy, you should eat well, get enough sleep, and avoid stress. Take care of yourself and look good, not for other people but for yourself.
14. Find a new thing you love.
Romance isn’t the only thing that can make you want to do something. Find out what you’re good at and what you like. Use this chance to figure out what you’re good at. You might want to try something new, like painting or playing an instrument. Put your mind and energy into it, and you’ll feel like you’ve done something. This will keep you from getting sad.
15. Wish your ex well.
If you still love your ex, you have to care about his or her happiness more than your own. Even if it hurts, pray that he or she will be happy in the next part of his or her life, even if it doesn’t include you. Love is not self-seeking. Even if it costs you something, you should want the best for the person you love.
Read more: What Makes You Fall In Love with Someone
16. Make the choice to be happy.
You can’t stop everything from going wrong, so you can’t stop bad things from happening. But you can change how you react to things that happen around you. So, instead of letting depression and loneliness kill you, strengthen your will to choose happiness. As the old saying goes, you can choose to be happy. Choose to always look on the bright side. Though it’s easier to say than to do, it’s not impossible.
17. Get advice that is right for you
Even though this article talks about the main steps you can take to get over an ex, it can be helpful to talk to a relationship coach about your situation.
You can get advice from a professional relationship coach that is tailored to your life and experiences…
Relationship Hero is a website where relationship coaches with a lot of experience help people through complicated and hard love situations, like breaking up with someone. People who are having this kind of trouble often turn to them for help.
How do I know? Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when my own relationship was having trouble. After being lost in my own thoughts for so long, they helped me understand how my relationship worked and how to get it back on track.
18. Get off social media and get back in touch with yourself
When a relationship ends, it’s easy to check out what your ex is doing on social media. This is not a good plan.
First of all, you don’t want anything to remind you of them.
Second, you don’t want to see them with a new person or having fun without you. If you don’t think you can handle it, which most people can’t, just avoid or delete their accounts.
This is especially true if the person is a narcissist. Narcissists tend to move on quickly because they tend to only care about the surface of most relationships.
It wouldn’t be strange for them to be charming and controlling someone else in a week or two and post romantic photos.
19. Stop blaming yourself
Whether you or your ex caused your relationship to end, remember that you don’t have to carry any of that with you as you move on.
Even if you ruined your relationship completely, you don’t have to feel shame and guilt for the rest of your life. You can think about it if you need to, but the sooner you can stop blaming yourself, the sooner you can start to heal and get back to your life.
Which, let’s be honest, wasn’t all that bad before you met this person and probably won’t be all that bad again soon.
In reality, pointing fingers only makes people feel bad, angry, and powerless.
You need to stop putting the blame on other people so you can get back your freedom and power.
On the other hand, there are 4 wrong ways to move on from an ex.
1) Get back up.
Why it’s wrong: One of the worst things you can do after a breakup is get a rebound. This common mistake is just one more way to break someone’s heart.
You’re clinging to someone else and projecting your insecurities from the last relationship on to them without giving yourself space or time to think and get better.
Also, rebounds are often shallow and not very deep. Instead of making you feel better about yourself, a one-night stand is a surefire way to make you feel worse about yourself.
Instead, here’s what you can do:
- Encourage friendships and look for good things from friends and family.
- Pull in your feelings of being weak and work on being okay with being alone.
- If you feel lonely, spend more time with your good friends and spend more time with them.
2) Keep in contact
Why it’s wrong: It’s great when two people who used to be together stay friends after they break up. But it’s not a good idea to stay in touch with the other person right after the breakup.
Even if you think you’re just being friendly, keeping in touch makes it harder for both people to find their own way again.
You’re just extending the fact that you’re both dependent on each other, and you might also make the same mistakes that led to the breakup in the first place.
Instead, here’s what you can do:
- Don’t try to make them your friend right away after you break up. Give yourselves some time to work on growing as people before you decide if you want to keep being friends or not.
- Focus on how you feel instead of how the other person feels. Remember that you don’t have to care about what they’re feeling anymore.
- Use the time away from your ex to look at them more objectively and remind yourself of why you broke up with them.
3) Rethink decisions about relationships
Why It’s Wrong: Going down memory lane is rarely a good idea. With guilt, loneliness, and fear of being alone, it’s easy to convince yourself that “it wasn’t so bad” and stick to your comfort zone instead of being forced to face the reality of being alone.
Because of nostalgia, it’s easy to forget about the bad parts of the relationship and make the whole thing seem more romantic.
When you do this, you forget the real reasons why the relationship didn’t work.
Instead, here’s what you can do:
- Stop putting yourself in the same group as the other person. No longer are you a “we.” You are now your own “you” and will be from now on.
- Find peace in what you’ve decided. Accept that the past is over and the only thing you can control is how you move forward.
- Write down everything you didn’t like about the other person so you don’t have to keep it all in your head. If it was important to you then, there’s no reason it shouldn’t be important to you now that you’re no longer together.
4) Be mean to your friends
Why it’s wrong: It can be tempting to let out all your anger and vent to your friends, but doing so will only make you feel worse about the breakup.
People like to think that badmouthing your ex is a cathartic experience, but in reality, it’s just a way to deal with bad times and get even more caught up in the whole breakup.
Also, it takes away from the idea of putting your attention on yourself. When you talk badly about someone, you’re focused on them, which makes it harder to put yourself first.
Instead, here’s what you can do:
- Pay attention to love, good things, and acceptance. Instead of staying angry, try to move toward forgiving.
- Tell your friends not to talk about your ex. Don’t forget that moving on is about who you are now, not who you were when you were with that person.
- Encourage your friends and family to take the breakup in a positive way and see it as a chance to learn and grow.
Even if you still love your ex, it’s important for your mental health to move on. There will be good days and bad days during the process. But you need to keep in mind that things are getting better every day. And that you’re letting go of the past and your emotional baggage, becoming stronger and healthier as a result.
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In an ideal world, we would all be able to forget about an ex. We don’t have that luxury, though, which is too bad. It’s important to deal with the feelings that come with a loss. The only way to get over an ex you love is to keep living. It’s okay to remember the good and bad times, to cry, and to be sad, but feeling the pain is what will get you to the other side.
Kate Zyana