Many things can be destroyed when poisonous relationships are dealt with: I’ve personally dealt with issues like peace of mind, anxiety levels, and confidence.
When you eventually have the guts to leave, you could experience an inward void. You invested a lot of time and energy into this individual, and now all you have are memories and replays of what might have been.
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You might believe that there was something you might have done to alter the outcome. It’s simple to start placing blame, but as I’ve learned from other toxic relationships, it’s not your fault.
You should not let how someone treats you define who you are. Never let someone else’s behavior to make you feel unworthy.
It is possible to find serenity after a toxic relationship, despite the difficult healing process. In this essay, I want to offer advice on how I’ve overcome these experiences and been able to forgive, move on, and regain my confidence.
Your significant other continually finds something wrong with you is one of the
24 ways to Find Peace After a Toxic Relationship
1. According to Gary Lewandowski Jr., PhD,
A psychology professor at Monmouth University, “A partner who offers unsolicited suggestions for what you need to improve, doesn’t support your interests or hobbies, and fundamentally criticizes aspects of who you are is definitely toxic.”
2. They diminish your sense of self.
Partners who are toxic like teasing you. It is a concern if you frequently hear judgmental words.
3. There is an obvious power disparity.
Consider asking yourself who in this connection is more powerful. Lewandowski asserts that if an answer is too simple, there may be a problem.
Relationships should ideally be a union of equals. Power dynamics will undoubtedly not be completely balanced in every facet of a relationship, or at least not all the time, but overall, they need to be.
4. They are too possessive and jealous.
You should reevaluate your relationship if your partner can’t stand the prospect of you being away from them.
5. You don’t take care of yourself.
To that end, it’s important to understand that your own behavior patterns may also be an indicator of a poisonous relationship.
6. You keep hope that they would change.
Many of the negative traits that characterize toxic relationships would be unacceptable in a stable, successful partnership.
According to Lewandowski, a relationship must have both toxic behavior from one person and “a willingness to stay, perhaps predicated on the false hope of potential partner change” from the other spouse in order for it to be poisonous. Or, to put it another way, you stick around in the hopes that your individual will stop the undesirable conduct.
7. You’re very uneasy.
There is a lot of back-and-forth in a healthy relationship where you are complimenting each other, bringing out the best in each other, and letting each other know that you care about them. According to Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a marital and family therapist in New York, “I’m here for you and this is why.
8. Your SO doesn’t ever accept responsibility.
If politely asking your partner to pick up the damp towels always results in a quarrel (since you knew they were having a difficult work week and why would you even bring it up now, geez!)That’s a sign of a poisonous relationship, yes.
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9. Your partner refuses to talk to you at all.
Fighting doesn’t necessarily indicate that your relationship is poisonous, but therapists refer to stonewalling as when your significant other consistently shuts down when you try to discuss what’s bothering you. When you want to talk about something important, stonewalling happens when your spouse stops listening to you, seems unresponsive, or even just walks out on the conversation.
10. Your friends and relatives are worried.
Understanding this indication can be very difficult. “This person may not get along with your sister or friend, and they may start asking questions like, ‘Why is he talking to you like this?’ or ‘Why is he doing that?'” Greer claims. However, because they’re speaking from a protective position, what they say may come across as negative or controlling, which is the exact opposite of how you want to feel given that you’ve been coping with it from your toxic partner.
11. You don’t have the right kind of trust in yourself.
In a solid partnership, trust grows over time. Your partner’s behavior will attest to their sincerity as you get to know them and you begin to question if you can believe what they say. Sussman claims that “they come through in the way they say they will.”
12. You frequently feel worse around them.
If your relationship is healthy, you always want to be with your partner. No, not constantly—but frequently frequently. It’s the exact opposite in a poisonous relationship.
13. You’re exhausted.
According to Thompson, a relationship is toxic if it feels like it is really draining you of all of your vitality. She claims that it may even physically appear, such as constant fatigue.
It’s crucial to pay attention to these symptoms and how our bodies are responding since toxic relationships can actually make us physically unwell, advises Thompson.
14. Even when you don’t ask, your partner is constantly giving you “constructive criticism”.
The ideal companion is someone who helps you become a better version of yourself, isn’t it? It’s possible for someone who challenges, supports, and encourages you to mistakenly think they’re condemning you.
15. Around them, you don’t feel like yourself.
Your significant other need to accept you as you are. However, it’s a bad thing if you can’t be yourself or don’t feel like yourself around them.
Consider your current relationship. Sussman suggests that “perhaps they say things that make you feel like they don’t even know you at all.” “They’re not loving you for who you are if they say things like ‘You’re not that kind of girl’ or ‘You wouldn’t understand that, anyway,'” Sussman claims. Instead, they’re making assumptions and telling you how they want you to be.
16. They don’t make you your best self.
“The best you could be is someone who is really confident, is a lot of fun, and doesn’t have trust issues,” Sussman claims. However, if you start acting in the opposite way around your partner—having poor self-esteem, refusing to do pleasant things, and having doubts about everything they say—you may want to reevaluate your relationship.
17. Your outlook on the future is not optimistic.
they get to know one another as relationships develop, and eventually, Sussman says, they start talking about the future. “Usually, there is talk of exclusivity after a few months.” However, in a bad relationship, such dialogue might never happen. or the marriage Big Talk.
Read more: How to Deal with Being Engaged and Scared of Getting Married
18. They enjoy playing games.
No one in your partnership should be playing games if they aren’t discussing Monopoly or spicing up matters in the bedroom.
19. Your spouse never pays attention to your schedule.
Nobody wants their partner to constantly know where they are (in fact, that’s a completely different kind of toxic behavior), but they should be aware of the significant events in your life and supportive. “Your partner may have a blind spot for how their actions are affecting other people if they ask you to help them move on the same day you are preparing for your dissertation,” warns Hendrix.
20. They frequently attribute their difficulties to others.
Hendrix thinks it can be a significant sign of toxic behavior if your partner is always attributing problems to someone else, whether it be you, their boss, their mother, or their CrossFit trainer. Owning your emotions and addressing them head-on rather than blaming others is a necessary component of being in a good relationship of any kind.
21. Your significant other is fiercely rivalry with you.
A little healthy competition in a relationship can help you improve on your previous performance in the running challenge you undertook together. Healthy couples cheer one other on when they succeed, according to Hendrix.
22. You believe that in your relationship, you do all the work.
Every relationship naturally divides up the work. Perhaps you constantly reserve a table at restaurants because you keep an eye on Instagram for the newest places for date nights. Your partner, on the other hand, does a great job at starting plans and making sure you prioritize spending time together in your hectic schedules.
23. You constantly find reasons to justify their rude behavior.
According to Hendrix, it’s an issue if you’re constantly trying to explain away your partner’s behavior, whether it be their lack of emotional availability, lack of empathy, propensity to be rude to your friends, or lack of support.
24. The relationship is at risk of becoming violent.
Between a poisonous and an abusive relationship, there is a thin line. According to Sussman, it may be a sign that you’re in an abusive relationship if the person you’re dating goes out of their way to lower your self-esteem or make you feel stuck in the relationship.
Learn to Forgive Yourself if You Want to Find Peace
Finding the strength to forgive oneself is much more crucial than finding the strength to forgive harmful people.
Forgive yourself for accepting treatment you didn’t deserve, thinking the bare minimum was acceptable, and staying in the relationship longer than you should have.
It has been challenging for me to learn how to forgive, but I constantly keep in mind that I may use the lessons I’ve learned going forward.
Now that I am aware of the warning signs to watch for, the importance of following my gut, and the fact that the world won’t stop if I chose to leave permanently.
Consider your current knowledge and how it will affect your relationships going forward. You’ll be crystal clear about what you want and don’t care about. You’ll stop wasting time entertaining people who aren’t helpful to you.
Post a letter to them.
This advice I learned in therapy has proven to be beneficial. Send a letter to the person with whom you had a toxic connection. Be really honest about your feelings and express anything you want to say to them.
It might be exhausting to carry around the weight of your emotions. You can let those burdens go by putting your feelings into writing.
Burn the letter when you’re done with it. Imagine all the pain slipping away as you watch it burn. You are no longer clinging to the mental picture you had of the connection. Everything you feel is letting go and creating new possibilities.
Do not feel pressured to complete the letter in one sitting because this can be an emotional process. It could take days, weeks, or even months to complete. There is no time frame or word count restriction; write until you are pleased and have spoken what you wanted to say to them in person.
You need not be concerned about being criticized or not being heard. This is your chance to let go of all that is bothering you and work toward a happy future.
Recognize Your Emotions
Read more: How Being Cheated On Changes You and How to Find Peace?
I used to be the kind of person who suppress any anger or unhappiness. I used to try to hide my feelings if I saw myself getting irritated. If you ignore your sentiments, you’ll eventually hit a breaking point and become worse off.
I had to understand that it’s acceptable to feel depressed and cry. It’s acceptable to be upset and unhappy about what transpired. It’s acceptable to miss them, too. All of these are typical throughout the healing process.
Give yourself time to process your feelings when you notice yourself becoming upset.
Writing in a journal when those difficult feelings surface has proven to be helpful. Since I’ve always found writing to be therapeutic, keeping a journal enables me to better analyze my feelings and find constructive ways to deal with them.
Even though you’ll be depressed, you don’t have to remain there for a long time. After acknowledging it, move on with your day.
And lastly…
It’s harmful for you if the connection makes you feel bad. The only truth that counts is that. Fight valiantly to maintain your connection, but when there is no more fighting, the reality will be looking you down like a prey animal.
All relationships will experience make-or-break moments, but wholesome relationships can recover. They become stronger and more tenacious as they grow closer. Relationships only have a finite number of emotional, physical, and financial resources. Sometimes a storm will blow through the connection, eating up a significant portion of the resources that have been accumulated over time. It won’t take long for this to be topped up if the relationship is strong. If not, it will eventually shrivel up from lack of nutrition and perish.
You alone must make the decision to stay or leave, but consider your motives carefully. Sometimes the most courageous, challenging, and life-altering actions are those that we refrain from doing.
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