You’ve been told you’re ugly. Many times. At face value, females or males simply aren’t attracted to you. It sucks. Trust me, I know. I also haven’t been graced with the best genetics.
But here’s what you need to know: It’s not the end of the world.
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Brutally Honest Tips To Cope with Being Ugly
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1) Time to be honest
Let’s not beat around the bush. While people have different tastes, there’s an objective standard of beauty that most of the human race can agree with.
According to research, people who have an “average face” are seen as more attractive. Attractive faces tend to be symmetrical. In a symmetrical face, the left and right look like each other. These faces tend to be the mathematical average (or mean) of the population’s facial features.
So while people might tell you that you look “unique”, or “special”, the truth is that on this “objective standard of beauty” you’re unfortunately towards the bottom.
You’re probably asking yourself “why” you have to look like this. But this is a question you don’t need to ask yourself. All it will do is help you develop a victim mindset.
And we can all agree that acting like a victim isn’t exactly attractive for females or males. In reality, adopting a victim mindset only results in bitterness, resentment, and powerlessness.
This is why the first step to dealing with your ugliness is to accept it. Embrace it. Don’t hide from the reality of your face and find yourself in pain every time some bully points it out and uses your looks against you.
Get to the point where, if someone tries to hurt you by talking about your unattractive features, the automatic response in your head is, “So what?”
Read more: How do You Know You Found Your Soulmate
If you keep trying to convince yourself that you’re not ugly but continuously see an unattractive person in the mirror, you will trap yourself in a state of cognitive dissonance.
This will keep you unhappy and uncertain, always afraid that someone out there might have the indecency to shatter your fragile ego.
2) Why you need to accept how you look
This is not just understanding why you’re ugly. But acceptance means being at peace with the way you look.
You don’t hold resentment towards your parents for looking the way you do. You don’t act like a victim.
Instead, you take responsibility for the way you look. You accept it. You deal with it. And you spend your time on things you can control.
After all, there’s no point in worrying about the way you look. It’s wasted energy. But it is important to realize that you’re not alone in feeling ugly. A lot of people do for a wide range of reasons, even those people you’d consider beautiful.
Insecurity about how we look is pretty common. So it’s important to not assume that those who you deem attractive have it easier than you. They actually might be more insecure.
The truth is, some people just don’t see reality for what it is. So if you can learn to accept how you feel, then you’re doing yourself a big favor.
Not only are you not wasting time worrying about your looks, but you won’t be insecure as well. Self-acceptance breeds confidence because you know who you are and you’re going to make the most of it.
And we all know that people that are confident are attractive.
3) Beauty isn’t a requirement for self-confidence
Have you ever looked at someone beautiful and thought they just seem to ooze confidence and sexiness?
Having good looks does give people a confidence boost, but you don’t need to rely on just your appearance, there are other ways to appear enticing and attractive. But before you can build your self-confidence, you first need to get your emotions in check and develop a stronger, healthier relationship with yourself.
Confidence isn’t something that came naturally to me – I had to work at it. And it’s an ongoing process, but what I find helps me the most is finding ways to reconnect with myself and my emotions.
Put it this way, if you can harness your inner power and build up your self-worth and esteem, forget about your appearance, your energy and calm confidence alone will attract others.
4) Realize that so much if is your mindset
You’re ugly, now so what? Are you going to wake up every day feeling bad about yourself? Are you going to avoid doing the things you want to do, experiencing life by your terms, and being the person you know you can be, simply because you don’t look as attractive as the people on TV?
At the end of the day, however attractive or unattractive your face may be, nothing hurts you more than your own mindset.
No one is a bigger critic of yourself than you are, because no one else thinks you matter as much as you do. Let it go and allow yourself to be happy in the ways you want to be. Don’t let the schoolyard bullies make you believe that you don’t deserve happiness simply because you aren’t very good-looking.
The great news is, you can still live life on your terms no matter how you look.
5) Take responsibility
If you’re struggling with self-esteem issues because of the way you look, will you take responsibility for it? I think taking responsibility is the most powerful attribute we can possess in life.
I don’t mean take responsibility for your physical appearance. I mean for how you respond to it… Because the reality is that YOU are ultimately responsible for everything that happens in your life, including for your happiness and unhappiness, successes and failures, and for the relationship you have with yourself.
I want to briefly share with you how taking responsibility has transformed my own life, including how I see myself. I know that life isn’t always kind or fair. After all, no one chooses to be ugly and have low self-esteem because of it.
But courage, perseverance, honesty — and above all else taking responsibility — are the only ways to overcome the challenges that life throws at us. If you want to seize control of your life, like I did 6 years ago, then this is the online resource you need.
Do you desire the type of relentless devotion that you only see in romance novels and Hollywood movies? Now you can, by learning this system and guide from our friend and relationship expert Amy North! Do this, and the thought of leaving you for another woman will be completely unimaginable to your man.
6) If you accept the way you look, you won’t be jealous of others
This is a crucial point. Jealousy and envy aren’t emotions that you don’t want to experience. They’re toxic emotions that lead to a victimhood mentality. And life doesn’t treat “victims” very well.
Now you might think that an attractive person is “lucky” because everybody treats them well and life is easy. But that reality is far different. Beyond quick judgments, being attractive doesn’t offer you much.
Psychologists have conducted hundreds of studies on well-being and happiness – and not one of them has mentioned “attractiveness” as being a factor. It’s easy to feel like the world is on your shoulders when you’re staring at beautiful people on Instagram. Those glamour shots and runway-ready bodies can make anyone feel a little less sure about themselves.
But behind the prefabricated happiness of social media is a lot of anxiety, even with beautiful people. It’s easy to get caught up in a person’s digital presentation of themselves and believe that they do live happy and fulfilling lives.
This isn’t always the case, though. Even beautiful people have insecurities that they’ll never get over with which goes to show just how fickle the concept of happiness is.
7) You have a better chance of developing a successful long-term relationship
If you’re telling yourself that relationships are harder for you, then you need to read this. Now I’m willing to guess that the main reason you’re upset with the way you look is that you feel that dating is harder for you. After all, who would want to date someone that’s ugly?
But that’s a very surface-level assumption that doesn’t hold up to reality. I mean, look around you. You can see plenty of relationships with ugly people. Every day I see an ugly female or male being all cute and cuddly with an objectively more attractive person.
8) Embrace your personal power
One of the hardest things about being ugly is that it can make you feel powerless. You may have a deep feeling that you’re “not good enough.”
So how can you overcome this insecurity that’s been nagging you? The most effective way is to tap into your personal power. You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never tap into it. We become bogged down in self-doubt and limiting beliefs. We stop doing what brings us true happiness.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment needs to come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of and increase attraction in your partners, and it’s easier than you might think.
9) One night stands might not be for you
Now I know what you’re asking: How I meant to meet someone if I’m never going to get past the snap judgments?
Then you need to realize that you’re going to attract someone in an hour or a day. For you, it might take time. Through your personality, your quirky but lovable traits, your humor, and your ability to create a connection. That’s what will eventually lead you to find love.
The best bit? It’s not going to be built on something superficial like physical attraction. It’s going to be a hell of a lot deeper. And that’s something you will forever be grateful for.
10) Learn to love yourself
No matter if you’re ugly or beautiful, it’s incredibly important to love yourself. And when you learn to love yourself, not only will you stop caring what other people think of you, but your self-growth will skyrocket
However, in this day and age practicing self love is hard. Why?
Read more: 17 Best Tips to How to Get out of the Friend Zone
Because society conditions us to find ourselves through our relationships with others. That the true path to happiness and fulfillment is to find love with someone else.
I recently came to understand that this is an extremely unhelpful standard. The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives: The relationship we have with ourselves.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice? Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
11) Why you need to stop worrying about your looks
This isn’t easy, especially when you’re convinced that your appearance is negatively affecting your life.
But what you need to realize is that it’s not your ugliness that’s affecting your life, it’s the way you feel about yourself. If you’re worried about how you look and it’s affecting your self-worth, then there’s no way around it: You will be unhappy. But if you accept how you look, you’ll be more satisfied and you won’t waste energy worrying.
12) How to accept how you look
- 1) Throw away your conventional, media-defined ideals of beauty: Yes, it’s true that society has a certain standard of beauty. But that doesn’t need to be yours. Stop taking into account the beautiful people you see on TV. Instead, find beauty in people you admire in everyday life.
- 2) Don’t define yourself by the way you look: I’ve said it time and time again and I’ll say it again: Looks don’t matter. It’s what’s inside that counts. Focus on your personality, your relationships and what you’re passionate about. Turn your focus on the world outside of yourself, rather than focusing on yourself so much.
- 3) Go cold turkey on the makeup: If you want to truly accept how you look: Try going a day or two without makeup (if you’re a female). You’ll look more natural and your skin will have room to breathe. Not wearing make-up will show you that your appearance really doesn’t make a difference in the way people treat you.
- 4) Take a break from the mirror: If you want to accept how you look, then you need to take action. And one of those actions is to stop looking in the mirror so much! It just turns your focus inward and you’ll probably continue to focus on your negative traits. Once you learn to stop looking at the mirror, your mood will undoubtedly improve.
- 5) Focus on being healthy: Don’t be concerned about getting fit because you want to look better. Do it for the health of your body. You want your body to function at its best for a whole variety of reasons, and exercise and eating well will help you achieve that. If you feel good, you’ll feel a lot better about yourself.
13) There are some bright sides to being ugly
Stop being a victim. Being ugly has its advantages.
For example:
- 1) People like you for who you are, not for how you look. Do you know how difficult it is for extremely beautiful people to meet genuine people? People are always trying to “get” something from them, like their number or physical attraction. Or there are those who want to be “seen” with them so they look cooler themselves. But with you, you know they’re around you because they genuinely enjoy your company and they like your personality. It’s much easier for you to develop genuine connections with other people. You don’t have to be as wary of people using you for their own benefit (unless you’re rich, of course!)
- 2) You’ve learned to accept how you look. Do you know how many people are insecure because of their looks? But if you’ve learned to accept it, not only are seeing reality for what it is, but you’re not wasting energy worrying about something that really isn’t that important. You’re a more confident, secure, and high-functioning human being than most people out there.
- 3) You work on your health and fitness for the right reasons. You know how important it is to be healthy and fit, not necessarily for the way you look, but for your own health. That’s why you work out your WHOLE body rather than just focusing on your arms or stomach.
We’ve all seen those chicken-leg dudes. Honestly, they’re not fooling anyone with how self-conscious they are.
14) You have the power to choose what you focus on.
The main point of this article is to realize that looks aren’t worth worrying about. It really is wasted energy.
Yes, it’s important to be fit, healthy and clean. But it’s certainly not worth wasting any emotional energy worrying about how you look.
All that will do is make you unhappy and narcissistic. But you need to realize that being ugly won’t affect your life negatively unless you let it.
You’ll still be able to create a genuine connection with others and find a long-term partner. In some respects, you’ve got some significant advantages in those areas because people won’t be using you for superficial reasons because of your looks. The most important thing is that you accept how you look and move on with creating a life that you love.
15) Ugliness isn’t the absence of beauty
It’s important to remember that ugliness isn’t the absence of beauty. It’s not the opposite of beauty either. This only serves to narrow our sense of normal.
A quick look at history shows that beauty has been quite diverse. As they say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and that is different for everyone. Beauty standards are at most cultural so if you feel like you’re not the best-looking person locally, you might fare better internationally.
So much of our definition of beauty is very Westerncentric: you have to have that thin nose, the curvy body, and fair glassy skin to be considered beautiful. That doesn’t mean that’s what everyone else considers beautiful.
16) Stop worrying about what other people think
This is probably the most important point. One of the reasons I’ve focused so much on acceptance throughout this article is because you won’t react negatively when someone comments on your appearance.
After all, you accept how you look and you know who you are, so whatever anyone says shouldn’t affect you in the slightest. The truth is, people are going to judge you regardless. And we all age, so at some point, looks don’t become important.
Whenever I’m caring too much about what other people think of me, I always turn to some great advice from eastern philosophy guru Osho. It really signifies why it’s important to stop and look inside yourself, rather than hinging your self-worth on outside influences.
Check this inspirational saying:
- “Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever people say is about themselves. But you become very shaky because you are still clinging to a false center.
- “That false center depends on others, so you are always looking at what people are saying about you. And you are always following other people, you are always trying to satisfy them. You are always trying to be respectable, you are always trying to decorate your ego. This is suicidal. Rather than being disturbed by what others say, you should start looking inside yourself…
- “Whenever you are self-conscious you are simply showing that you are not conscious of the self at all. You don’t know who you are. If you had known, then there would have been no problem— then you are not seeking opinions. Then you are not worried what others say about you— it is irrelevant!”
17) Beauty fades, but personality lasts
Even the most beautiful men and women eventually get old. Hair falls out, wrinkles overcome smooth skin, and rock-hard abs slowly find themselves filled out with chubby muffin tops.
People who marry pretty faces and beautiful bodies tend to find themselves bored out of their ten years down the line.
So don’t worry if you’re not the best-looking person in your class (or if you’re the exact opposite), because at the end of the day, your personality counts a thousand times more than your beauty, or lack thereof.
The great thing about not being able to breeze through life on good looks is that it forces a person to develop a unique personality and charm.
In a way, beauty is almost a curse. Without beauty, you are forced to learn how to think, how to talk, and how to joke and converse with anyone you might meet, because you know it’s the only way to get their attention while looking as bad as you do.
Beauty isn’t the end-all-be-all
So you don’t fall into society’s traditional standards for beauty — what then? That doesn’t spell the end for your life.
As terrible as it may seem right now, the truth is your physical appearance has a limited impact on the person you’re going to become. Do you want your man to become spellbound by the very sight of You! For more in-depth training and solution to get your man be devoted and committed to you and only you, we recommend Amy North’s Devotion system, check it out by clicking on the link.
Too many people end up focusing on what they look like and forget to develop the different aspects of their personality that do matter. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, take this as a challenge to excel and become the best person you can be.
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Kate Zyana